There’s something fishy going on here. I’m standing in the Lost Chambers of Atlantis, staring at what, I have been gravely assured, are the submerged ruins of Plato’s ancient, doomed civilisation.

The last time I saw daylight, however, I could have sworn I was on the Palm, an island off the coast of Dubai that I don’t think Plato had heard of, being as they started building it only seven years ago. You don’t have to be a Time Team presenter to know it doesn’t quite add up.

The Lost Chambers are the star attraction of the Atlantis, a new, 1,539-room mega-resort that will open to the public on September 24. Last week, I was the first British journalist to take a look around the near-finished article, and I was gobsmacked. It’s one of the most impressive and ambitious resorts I’ve seen. It’s certainly the most ludicrous.

So ludicrous, in fact, it’s almost heroic. It takes a certain damn-the-torpedoes guts to spend £750m on a premise this self-evidently daft: the “discovery” of a 10,000-year-old civilisation that never existed, on an island that’s still being finished. But we’ll get to that in a minute. For now, the impressive stuff.

You approach Atlantis up the “trunk” of the Palm Jumeirah, as it’s formally known. In sheer engineering terms, it’s a boggling thing. Where there was nothing but sea five years ago, they’ve built a three-mile-long island with fronds radiating from the centre. Right at the crest, in prime position, the 395ft towers of Atlantis emerge slowly through the heat haze.

From the outside, the architecture is a bit odd. It’s supposed to look “Atlantean”, which seems to mean a lot of fish motifs, but they couldn’t resist throwing in a few other elements: they’ve ended up with Peter Jackson fantasy meets arabesque meets Hilton high-rise, all painted a slightly queasy frozen-prawn pink. I’m not sure it’s what Plato had in mind.

Go in and it gets odder still. The vast lobby is dominated by Dale Chihuly’s 35ft-high glass sculpture, which looks like cascading multicoloured spaghetti. There are garish “mythical” murals, and they’ve covered a good deal of the acres of floor with a turquoise-and-yellow swirly carpet – sea and shells, I think, though it’s hard to tell.

Step off that carpet and you’re in the serene and genuinely stylish spa, or David Rockwell’s sensational bamboo and wood design for the Nobu restaurant. It’s like that all over. The avenues and halls go on and on, mid1980s Dallas styling around this corner, cutting-edge contemporary around that – the most expensive design identity crisis in history.

The food is as ambitious as the rest of it. There are 17 places to eat: Giorgio Locatelli, the best Italian chef in London, has a trattoria here, and they’ve drafted in Michel Rostang from Paris and Santi Santamaria from Spain. That’s seven Michelin stars right there.

What about the rooms? The standard ones are a good size, high-spec and pretty bland, which is something of a relief. For more drama, you can always go for the Lost Chambers suites: the bedrooms look out through huge underwater picture windows into the resort’s 11m-litre lagoon, stocked with sharks, rays,angel-fish, trevallies and more, in dense, multicoloured shoals.

Fine for romantics, as long as you don’t mind a fishy audience – though the sight of the rays gliding past is so mesmerising, you might not get round to anything energetic.

If money’s no object, you’ll want the Bridge Suite, which spans the archway between the two towers. A British family are the first bookers, paying £45,000 for three nights: for that, they get three bedrooms, four staff and a gold-leafed dining table seating 18. Not the food to go on it, though – that price is B&B.

Back down to earth, the beach is fine, though don’t expect much from the scenery. It faces back to Palm island, which may look great on a map, but is surprisingly ugly close up, with its densely packed, colourless villas and miles of strangely arid, unwelcoming beachfront. Nature does islands rather better than man.

Still, you get free access to Atlantis’s 42-acre Aquaventure waterpark. It’s a cracker, with a 1½mile river to float in, a fantastic children’s playground and cutting-edge rides topped off by the Leap of Faith, a near-vertical 90ft slide that shoots you through a shark-filled lagoon like a bullet out of a gun.

There’s buckets more here: two kids’ clubs, a nightclub, posh shops (Tiffany, Graff, Cartier); oh, yes, and a dolphin “conservation centre”. Yeah, right.

The mammals were caught in the Solomon Islands and shipped here to live in tanks so we could pay to swim with them. I didn’t.

The keynote attraction, however, is the Lost Chambers. In a dimly lit stone labyrinth full of startled fish are great bits of fallen masonry covered with mysterious runes (though, presumably, they’re not that mysterious to the guy who made them up). You wouldn’t think you’re supposed to take all this stuff seriously, but they do, they really do.

From the top down, Atlantis’s staff treat their newly constructed ruins with po-faced reverence. Their eyes take on a spooky, glazed look when they talk about it, like freshly indoctrinated members of a Californian UFO cult.

“This is the Abyss,” my guide says. “It was here the Atlanteans mined their minerals – they lowered their miners down this well. Fascinating, isn’t it?”

“But... it’s not real, is it?” I mumble. My words simply don’t register. “We expect a lot of school parties,” he says. “Education is a big part of our work.”

Schools? Education? They’re kidding, aren’t they? Yes, kids will love Atlantis, and yes, it’s certainly worth seeing – a phenomenon, a bonkers colossus – but, really, a few days will do it. Any longer and you might end up getting that spooky-eyed look yourself.

ATLANTIS IN BIG NUMBERS

The cost: £750m

The size: 114 acres – or 64 Wembley football pitches

The rooms: 1,539, with prices starting at £228 per night for a standard double and rising to £15,000 for the Bridge Suite

The water: 60m litres, including the rides and aquariums – enough to fill 24 Olympic-size pools

The rides: 8, including the 1½mile river ride

The restaurants: 17, three from Michelin-starred chefs

The fish: 65,000 specimens, twice as many as the London Aquarium

The $1.5 billion Atlantis, The Palm, located at the head of The Palm Jumeirah, is right on schedule to open on September 24. This flagship resort will be the first to open its doors on the island.


Created by Kerzner International Holdings, international developer and operator of destination resorts, the new 1,539 room resort began accepting reservations February 1. It anticipates that Middle East residents will account for 30 per cent of all visitors, with UAE residents expected to make up a quarter of guests from the region.


In line with this, residents of the UAE are being offered a special “dive in” package valid until October 1. The offer includes accommodation with breakfast and two return complimentary Aquaventure passes valid for six months.


Jim Boocher, president of development at Kerzner International, managers of Atlantis, said the difference between Atlantis and other hotels was that it was a 'destination hotel', not simply a holiday hotel.


Atlantis has 1,539 rooms spread between the East and West towers. There are a total of 150 suites, including two presidential suites and 35 regal suites. Average prices start at around $454 per night. The connecting bridge between the two towers is the 924 sq m Bridge Suite, which costs $25,000 per night – and this is already booked for the September opening.


Sol Kerzner, chairman and chief executive of Kerzner International, said, 'This is an exciting time for the Middle East and for Kerzner International. With the introduction of a new world icon in The Palm Jumeirah and our position as the flagship resort of this icon, Atlantis, The Palm is situated as the new gateway to this incredible region.”


“Atlantis is all about the ocean. Out of a vision that married the wonders of marine life with stunning elegance and sweeping views of the Arabian Gulf alongside the most exciting water playground in this part of the world, we have developed an experience within Atlantis that is truly different than the existing pleasures of Dubai. We're very proud of the final product and cannot wait to share it in September when we open our doors.'


The resort will encompass a 460,000 sq m site with 170,000 sq m of water themed amusement at Aquaventure, extensive fresh and salt water pools and lagoon exhibits, an open aired marine habitat, beach front, luxury boutiques, 17 restaurants, bars and lounges numerous dining options including four celebrity chef restaurants, a nightclub, a spa and fitness club, and 5,600 sq m of meeting and function space.


The 17 hectare Aquaventure Waterpark will feature the tallest freefall slide in the Middle East. Within the development is Dolphin Bay, home to 28 dolphins brought to Dubai from the Solomon Islands. Encompassing 17 beachfront hectares along the apex of The Palm Jumeirah’s crescent, Aquaventure will be accessible to all visitors to Dubai for full day visits for $60 per adult and $52 for guests less than 1.2 metres high. Guests of Atlantis have complimentary access to the water park, designed for families as it offers rides and slides to accommodate every age and adventure level.


A two storey 1,900 sq m spa in the Royal Towers offers guests treatments emanating from all over the world including a Middle Eastern aqua cure.

Kylie Minogue, the Australian pop star, has signed a six-figure deal to perform at two concerts in Dubai - her first in the UAE emirate.

The first show, on September 24, will help launch Atlantis, The Palm resort, while no date or location has been announced for the second performance, which will be open to the public, UAE daily The National reported on Monday.

The Atlantis concert comes on the heels of an intimate show British singer Elton John performed last month in Paris for the Dubai Pearl development.

A source close to the singer told the paper: “She knows that in the UAE she has thousands of fans and as it will be her debut in the country, she has a lot to live up to,” said a source with the publicity campaign.

“She is already planning the shows, the costumes and the songs but there is no doubt that it will be the climax to the end of her year of touring expected of a star of her stature. Kylie will be sure to give the shows a little local flavour. She is just the person to bring maximum publicity to such a prestigious, high profile development.”

Minogue, 40, has recovered from her very public 2005 battle with breast cancer after intensive chemotherapy treatment.

Atlantis, The Palm will be the flagship resort on the Palm Jumeirah and the first to open its doors on the artificial island.

The 1,539-room resort began taking reservations in February. It will encompass a 46-hectare site with 17 hectares of water-themed amusement parks, an open air marine habitat, beaches, boutiques and restaurants.